Saturday, June 25, 2005

Life's list of things to do:

Here is a re-evaluated list of things i want to do before i die, and as soon as i can, really. As Ruby says "Carpe diem!"

1. Summit Mt Shasta

2. Travel everywhere

3. Get into a fight standing up for a friend or something I really believe in

4. Break up a fight

5. Be stranded on a deserted tropical island, watch the sunrise and sunset over the ocean in one day, and have the freedom to wear no clothes.

6. Learn to: surf, sail, scuba dive, rock climb, backpack, guide rafting trips, do a handstand, do the splits, cook, play the guitar, speak Spanish (and as many other languages as I can)

7. Join the Peace Corps (or a similar organization)

8. Fall in love, several times

9. Save someone’s life

10. Salsa in a club in Argentina

11. Swim with dolphins

12. Get arrested for a cause I really believe in

13. Swim in every ocean

14. Have sex (and be good at it)

15. Live in a foreign country where I don’t know the language

16. Shave my head

17. Change lives via photography or art

18. Hang glide

19. Do a chin-up in Jay’s garage

**20. Make a photography documentation of the Rainbow way of life

**21. Run a marathon or triathlon type-thing. heck...let's just aim for the ironman competition


This is all in no particular order of course. so what are some of the things you guys want to do before you die?

** means added in later


Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Wow, Aleisha. I just read your Europe journal. Wow. I'm feeling so restless right now. Reading that makes me want to go so much more. Anywhere. Actually, right now I'm in a Greece/Italy mood. I'm not sure if I will be a traveller though. My mom recently spoke with a real psychic. She knew SO MUCH about my family. One of the things she said was that I will not have a career in travel. She actually said I will find something good for me in Georgia of all places. I figured, since she was right about the other stuff, she's probably right about my future. My only hope is that I prove her wrong. She works on the plaza. We should go see her! $100 a pop for 2 hrs (or longer) and ya get to record 90 minutes of the session.

I'm sorry that I haven't made any contact with you over the summer. I miss you very much. I miss everybody. I'm so reclusive right now. I'm very depressed. I don't call anyone or do anything but go to work. I don't even know when you'll read this cuz you're doing that Upward Bound thing, but I'm writing anyway out in the open for all bloggers to see. I really hope you're having a great time

Monday, June 06, 2005

End of Europe trip journal: 5/27/05

if you're reading this first, don't. go down to the first day, 5/18/05.


5/27/05

12:18 (British time) well, we luckily enough caught the plane we were crossing our fingers for (though we had to run our asses off) and now we’re headed straight for LA. We were sooo relieved to hear that we got seats.

Last night we went back to the Millennium Lodge, and I ran into Rodrigo, but he didn’t stay for the evening, so I didn’t have to worry about being mean or warding him off. Instead, we met this really cool guy named Daniel, who looked like Weezer, who was a young teacher from Portugal. He told us a lot about the culture, music, and economy of Portugal. I plan to write him so I can learn more. Ruby and I sang karaoke, and then I sang Happy Birthday to her, with the help of some of the Brazilian guys. Poor Ruby was being somewhat harassed by one guy who apparently had the biggest crush on her. He’s a nice guy, but he had way too much to drink, and was being much too pushy. What happened to the cute Mexican? I wanted her to hook up with him. I actually ended up having a hookup of my own that night…

The first time we stayed at the Millennium Lodge, I had been immediately attracted to one of the guys at the bar. I saw him a few times later on, but never actually talked him or anything. Yesterday, I saw him early when we checked in, and again considered him the best-looking guy there. After the karaoke, and when we started dancing, I noticed he was watching us (me, Ruby, and Daniel) and when we went to sit on the couch near him, and Ruby said something to him, I took the opportunity to start talking more to him. He was really nice (apologized for his drunk friend, smiled a lot), and I invited him to play billiards with me and Ruby and another guy. They were all impressed with my playing abilities…I think I won the game for us like 2 out of 3 times (and we played 3 games). But this whole time Ghean and I were sitting close and smiling at each other and talking. Eventually after the pool games, everyone else left (cus they didn’t want to cock-block I guess…those guys look after each other) and we ended up kissing. I think he tried to ask me first, but he didn’t know how to say it in English. He was pretty aggressive with his kissing, and if I hadn’t set boundaries, he would have taken things really far, really quick. As it was, we spent the evening with me refusing to sleep with him, and him pushing his boundaries as he could. He was also being romantic too, holding hands, hugging, asking to see me the next morning. I don’t have much reason to expect this to be special for him, cus I’m sure he gets a lot of traveler chicks, but he did ask if he could call me in two days. I’ll have to email him the international code, and tell him when I’ll be home it’s kinda cool in a sense that we missed the plane, because firstly, I got to bond with Ruby in a really strong way, and secondly, that I was able to take my last chance to hook up in Europe (though I honestly really didn’t think I was going to, or would even want to). Although I hope it’s alright for Ruby, cus it sucks so bad that she has to spend her birthday on a plane.

-----> 12:54 (somewhere over Canada) well, just over a few hours until we reach LA. Now would probably be a good time to fill in the gaps and write about whatever else I wanted to, while it’s still considered my Europe trip. Let’s see, where was I? oh, yes, Dunkerque (5/20). Jess’ host mom made us dinner as we settled in for the night, and after we ate, we walked into town and to the beach. When we got there, Ruby says “I’m going swimming,” and starts taking off al her clothes. We were like “Ruby! All the bars are like 100 feet away…people can see! So we convinced her to keep her underwear on, and she somehow convinced us to join her. So there we were, the three of us, stripped down to our bra and underwear, running screaming into the frigid waters of the French coast of the English channel. We didn’t get any further than our thighs, but we still got pretty wet and cold. I really didn’t want to do it at first, but I’m glad Ruby has such good persuasive powers (“I’m going to do it whether you guys are coming or not!”) because it was a lot of fun. And I’m glad I have the story to tell.

After that we went to a little bar, and we sat and talked for a while (me and Jess caught up on the last 9 months) and it was cool cus we ran into Jessy, the guy who helped us on the train (he let us borrow his cell phone to call a very worried Jess). Him and his friends set the bar high for nice French guys.

The next day the 3 of us went to Lille, and we got to go to the art museum (Palais des Beaux Arts), and after that we walked to the Citadelle where we saw some people planting and asked if we could join them. someone there was English, and we found out it was an organization to help keep the ecological systems balanced, and it was all volunteer. We wrote in their guest book, and everyone was so nice to us that we walked away feeling very good about ourselves.

That night we all dressed up and went out on the town and did a little bar-hopping. Someone tried to pull Ruby away from us once though, and someone else tried to separate Jess from us, so I was a little uneasy about most of the guys. Plus, Jess and Ruby had just told me I was too gullible when it came to guys, so I guess I was trying to be more aware. We ended up joining a group of guys later though, and we found out they were a bachelor’s party. Jess picked up on the bachelor, unfortunately for her…she couldn’t keep him. They were all really though, and I wish I had gotten some emails. We all had fun trying to communicate, and poor Jess, the main translator, was losing her voice.

I’ve learned that there are several opinions on French people and the English language. We ran into some French who were like “you’re in France, speak French.” But a lot of people (mostly English, but quite a few French) thought that the French should know and speak English, and that they were just being snooty about it. I would actually agree with the first opinion, but someone mentioned the tourist industry, and that they rely on English-speaking tourists for a portion of their economy. I figure I’m not French, so it’s not my fight, I’ll just do my best to communicate however I can when I’m there. Well, I think that’s all I remember wanting to write about…Oh, except I wanted to make mention to the drunk young British guys we met on the Underground one midnight. They asked us where we were from, and when we said “America” one asked us “Where’s that?” we were like “you know…the United States” and he goes “Is that in the UK?” I couldn’t tell if that’s how drunk he was, if he really didn’t know, or if he was just messing with us. Now that just about concludes my Europe trip journal. This has been such an awesome experience for me, I don’t even know how to sum it up in words. I’ve written 20-some-odd pages on my thoughts and experiences so far, and I still feel like I missed a lot. One thing I learned that I don’t think I really talked about so far is the value of a home, and having friends and family that know you and love you. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to travel alone, because at least on this trip when things felt pretty lonely, I was able to turn to Ruby, and know that she was someone familiar, a piece of home, and a friend that I know and love. I hope I always remember this, and ever take these connections for granted.

5/26/05

5/26/05

Well, we’ve missed our flight. I very nearly had a panic attack when I realized we weren’t going to make it…quick breathing, dizziness, everything. We’re now waiting to see if we can board a plane as an extra (we’re on “stand-by”), and we’re so stressed and shaken that we haven’t hardly spoken a word. Ruby blames herself, but really it just happened…our bad luck. So I hope she doesn’t feel too guilty, because really, we didn’t know.

-----> 3:46. In another waiting room, waiting to see if we can get on a different plane. I feel really dizzy for some reason, I be I’m drunk off the adrenaline rush and stress of missing the plane. Either that or Rodrigo put something in my water when Ruby and I went back to the millennium lodge this morning. He was still trying to make out on me, even sober, and he gave me his email, with “love you” written on the page. I didn’t run into Calvin, which is probably best because Rodrigo was almost too much to handle. I was almost too late pushing him away, he practically licked my nose. I’m not sure what I’ll do if we have to stay there tonight…I’ll have to get real bitchy. To be honest, it’ll be a relief to leave these European boys behind.

-----> 6:01. well, our attempt at boarding 2 different planes was unsuccessful. We’re now on the incredibly long (as we did not know before) train ride back to Kensal Green to stay at the hostel. *sigh* I’m dizzy still, and I think it might be from exhaustion. I’m really ready to go home.

Floodlight. Remember that, you may take photography courses in London someday. The photographer I met on the Underground said that photography is pretty accessible for anyone that wants, but what makes good photography is someone who pushes the boundaries, and wants to change things. It was Ruby who told me about ethos, pathos, and agape. Ethos and pathos refers to a friendship-type relationship or a physical/sexual relationship (I don’t remember which is which) but agape refers to someone who always looks to change the relationship for the better.

5/25/05

5/25/05 (12:01am)

We’re back in Lille, and back at that hostel we stayed at with Jess. I saw a man pissing in the street today, outside the train station in broad daylight. He wasn’t a bum either. I guess that’s ok here, and that’s why the streets smell like urine. I just stepped over his little river and kept walking. I miss the woods…I don’t think I’ll ever get used to cities. I’m actually pretty ready to go home. My feet are accumulating blisters, my nose piercing is infected, and I must be malnourished. Today I ate: a yogurt, bread, cheese, a mango, an apple, some fries, and some ice cream.


5/25/05 (9:30am)

Somewhere along the way I’m gonna have to fill in the things I wanted to write about before, but didn’t have the chance to when they happened. Since we’re in Lille again (at MacDo’s right now), I’ll write about our first stay here. We came with Jess, and when we found our hostel, we went to go to the art museum here. I’m really glad I got to go to a museum in Europe, even though I plan to go again someday specifically for the purpose of museums and art. I could have stayed a lot longer, but we needed to find a place to eat.

----> 11:30am Currently: sitting on a bench in Lille, listening to pigeons squawk as they mate at the foot of statues on the cathedral in front of me. I’m wondering whether I should continue writing or draw instead, because I have a little time before Ruby comes back from her search for wine. She’s proving to have more energy than me at the end, and I’m trying to give her the reigns so she can do what she wants. I guess it’s a little hard for me, and maybe a little hard for her.

-----> 12:44am On the train to Dunkerque right now…Ruby keeps asking me if I’m alright, I guess I look sad. I’m pretty tired, and I’m in a very introspective mood, but I don’t think I’m sad. It’s hard for me to ever really know what I’m feeling, because emotions are hard to simplify into one word. I’m certainly feeling something, but how can you be thinking about your future, past, the present, the world at large, and analyzing your dreams all under the simple title “sad.” I hadn’t realized how important this trip was for me, and how much it tied into all my dreams for the future. I don’t know how long I’ve wanted to travel and see the world, but it feels like the desire’s always been there. This trip was my sample, my first taste of what my life could be, and I’m not sure I could do this. Throwing myself out into the wide world, in the midst of strange cultures was supposed to be enlightening, and while I’ve learned so much, it mostly just makes me feel lonely. What do I want? What do I want my life to sum up to? Could I live this lifestyle? Watching my back constantly, making connections with people only to never see them again, feeling homesick for a home I don’t have the I claimed I didn’t want, that I gave up to let myself loose on the world? This trip has been very humbling for me, with the only thing I though I wanted dissolving into uncertainty. I’ve also learned a lot about myself from Ruby because we’re very different in certain ways, and it’s been a while since I’ve had to work out solutions for communication and leadership problems with someone. I’m really glad I went with her though, I think she’s been the perfect companion and I hope she’s had all the fun and done all the things she wanted to on this trip.

-----> 9:42 (British time). We’re on the ferry to Dover right now, and we’re not sure where we’re gonna stay tonight. That’s not really anything new, but we might get into London too late to get a hostel. We’ve showered on the ferry, because we felt we absolutely had to, after renting bikes in Dunkerque and riding them to Belgium. It was about 2 hours of good riding, and we’re gonna be even more sore tomorrow. Especially with this sunburn I got on my shoulders and face. I actually really didn’t care about going so much, and when we didn’t have our shit together in time, I was ready to give up. But Ruby really really wanted to do this, and I had already gotten in the way of her doing some things she wanted to do, so I wanted her to be able to do this. So I ran back and grabbed my passport when we needed ID for the bike shop, and I pushed her on the bike riding, so we could make it all the way to Belgium (I did want to do it for the sake of doing it). We did make it, and when we got there, we bought a beer and tried to chug it (with the cap still on, because we had no bottle-opener) in the spare minute we had, because we’d heard the Belgian beer is the best. Anyways, I’m pretty much out of that mood I was in earlier. I think the bike ride helped (which I’m very glad we ended up doing, by the way) as well as the meal that The-Awesomest-Jess-In-The-World cooked for us.

5/24/05

5/24/05

Ruby and I bought a bottle of cheap wine, and with that, some bread, some fruit (a mango too), a yogurt and her plaid shirt, we went to the Notre Dame to picnic. After we set up the picnic, the park cop told us to hide our wine (though we could still drink it), so we put Ruby’s coat over our heads and took shots of cheap French wine, using mango pieces as chasers (because it tasted really gross). We’ve now finished half the bottle, and I’ve got a little buzz, and I’m pissed at the pigeon and the Turkish man who just asked me for sex. I think that’s what he was getting at anyways, but it was pretty obvious he was trying to kiss me (not just bisous), and he wouldn’t leave me alone. Ruby sobered up real fast, coming back from the bathroom to see me pushing him away, and together we both drove him off, though it took far too many “avoir”s.

-----> 7:30pm We’re on the train to Lille right now, and we’ve left Paris far behind. It’s a city with such a strange dichotomy, full of history and tourists, smelling of piss, reeking of cons and lies. Everywhere you turn there are masterpieces that take your breath away, and everywhere you turn someone is trying to make money off them. for a city full of art, there are very few artists who still know the love of art, it seems. It’s a tourist industry, with mass production. It’s depressing, and it makes me glad I’m a photographer.

5/23/05

5/23/05

Went to the Eiffel Tower tonight. We could only stay a few minutes because we left at 10 and had to catch the metro by 11:30 (at the latest 12). But it was gorgeous. It was best because of the full moon that was glowing big and bright under the arches as we stood under it. For the second time this day, we forgot all of our problems and gazed in awe at the sheer architectural genius that created these structures. The first time today was actually just after we found out we’d been ripped off, and we were on our way to Notre Dame. The train ride was hell…just plain depressing. Our poor companion, our hostel roommate (a sweet Belgian girl who’s name is Nelly, and who doesn’t speak much English), must have worried that she made a mistake by coming with us. But everything changed for the better when we stepped out of the metro, rounded the corner, and caught sight of Notre Dame. I had somehow forgotten that Notre Dame has been my subject in art a number of times, for years, and then there it was, brought to life. We went inside, and happened to be Sunday, so we witnessed the end of mass. Almost enough to make someone religious. The best part though, was going on the roof. It was well worth the 20-some-odd stories of stairs we circular stairs to climb, well worth the wait, well worth the money we’d been ripped off, the smell of the Paris subway, the language barrier…well worth it all. I forgot about being religious and drowned in the history, worship, and craftsmanship that this building represented. Looking out over Paris, I had thousands of different worlds, separated by time, distance and relationships lying at my feet. It’s enough to make someone feel very insignificant, but I didn’t for some reason.

Ruby and I were considering sleeping beneath the Eiffel Tower tomorrow night, until we remembered we’re girls, and that’s dangerous. Fucking pussy.

There was a rainbow at Notre Dame. Right behind it! God loves me. <---(irony)

----->7pm

I am really tired. We went to the Louvre today, but we didn’t actually go in. the price wasn’t too high, nor the line too long, but we didn’t have the biggest desire, so we decided not to pay 8.50 euros, and walk around and look at the building instead. We asked two girls to take our picture, and stood chatting with them for 20 mins when we found out they were American. Their names are Hannah and Kristen, and they’re really cool.

5/22/05

5/22/05

We’re traveling on the train again, this time to Paris. I can’t believe we actually decided to go…this is insane. In London we could blend in and find our way independently pretty easily. However, without language we have nothing. We are truly strangers in a strange land. We’ve been really lucky so far, because lots of people are very willing to help us and practice their English on us. the average French person seems to know more English than both Ruby and I, at our best, know French.

It’s funny how a place that is socially an alien world for me can look so unremarkable. The train is taking us through the countryside, and apart from the occasional decorated steeple in the sparse petite villes, we could be on a stretch of the I5. with Jack Johnson playing on my ipod, and Ruby sleeping in the seat beside me, I could be home. I guess I’m a little homesick, and a little scared about wandering Paris without someone like Jess, who knows the language. We’re a few minutes to arrival, so avoir!

5/22/05 (later)

Not moments after our arrival in Paris, we were ripped off. We didn’t find out till later, but a scam artist totally hoodwinked us out of 66 euros. He was a “friendly man, with a wife and kids, trying to help 2 Americans buy a 2-day pass.” Of course a 2-day pass isn’t 66 euros! It was so obvious he was ripping us off, we were just too trusting. I’m having a hard time convincing myself that it happens all the time that it’s a part of going to Europe, that at least it was only $50 each and that we weren’t mugged, but it’s hard. Ruby has been in a bit of a bad mood since we found out our tickets were not a 2-day pass, and I was too for a while, but we’re both kind of over it. Hey, smile, it was only money.

----> 10:00pm. Speaking of money…well, 3 days left in Europe and I’ve run out of money. I’m borrowing from Ruby now, and I feel bad. It’ll be tight budgeting from here on out. Holy shit.

5/20/05

5/20/05

Right now we have a bit of a break because we’re on the train on our way to Dover, where we’ll catch the ferry to Calais. We’re traveling through the green and yellow countryside, I put some Cake on, and I have 2 hours to continue my account of the past few days.

Ruby and I somehow managed to wake up early enough to get ready and check out before 10 and we immediately bought a day pass and went downtown. When we stepped out of the Piccadilly Circus Underground station, our jaws dropped. That was how I’d pictured London to be…tall, gorgeous old buildings, people everywhere, read phone booths, red buses, black cabs. There was a fountain right beside the station, and we immediately headed towards there. It was not even 5 minutes before 2 guys offered to take a picture for us. we found out they were tourists too, and they were from Israel, but were studying in Greece. We decided to join parties and tour London together. their names were Ron and Dean, and they were nicely dressed and very gentlemanly. Ron was actually just out of his service in the Israeli military, and he scoffed at the English guards and all their ceremony. He says “In Israel, the fighting is real. People actually die, 10 a day at least.” They both told us to visit though, and said how wonderful and safe it was. “Safer than here,” they said. This turned out to be true, for them at least, because after we had walked our feet off visiting Buckingham Palace, Parliament, Westminster Abbey, and everything in-between, Ruby and I split to find our hostel, agreeing to meet in the evening to go out. When we met at 9, the boys were late, and they came with an unbelievable(well, almost)story of being mugged. All of their money, except for two tickets-worth to Amsterdam and a few pounds. Apparently it was by a group of guys, right there in central London! They were so cool about it that we almost didn’t believe them. “Everything happens because God wills it to. Smile! It was only money.” They would say. It makes sense though, they had nice cameras, nice clothes, nice shoes…they looked like rich tourists. So I believe them. when we met them though, they still wanted to hang out, and we went to my first bar.

----> 7:33 Europe time

What have we gotten ourselves into? We’re in France now, and language has abandoned us. “tu parlays anglais?” we say to each passerby with desperate hope. We left our last English companions in Calais, and now we’re traveling to Dunkerque or doom…whichever we can find our way to.

5/19/05

5/19/05

Anyways, more about Tuesday:

So we’re at the party, and the guy I’ve been dancing with offers me a beer. I take the offer, though bring Ruby in on it, and I drink it pretty slowly. I’m somehow convinced to get another one when I’m done, and before I know it I’m holding my third beer. I hadn’t really planned on getting drunk this trip, but my tolerance is so low that it’s hard. I drank enough to get pretty dizzy. I danced the whole night, and I had quite a few guys trying to pick up on me. Now, in the US that usually means a glance or two, an introduction, maybe a dance and some compliments. Here though, they skip all that and go straight to telling you you’re beautiful/gorgeous/sexy, and asking for kisses or your hand in marriage. I swear, those were all things I encountered, and it made for a fun evening, dizzily warding off a Brazilian named Rodrigo (who told Ruby to tell me he was in love with me, and that he liked my haircut) who was desperately begging for a kiss on the lips (“What does it take? You need to know me better? My name is… I was born in… I am 23… I study theater…”), and a South African named Calvin who couldn’t keep his hands off me, because “I can’t help it. Your body is just so luscious and beautiful…so sexy…” He couldn’t stop complimenting me, and asking if I would marry him. I’ve never seen someone try so hard for sex. Perhaps I’m being unfair…maybe I should erase that. No, I won’t. Anyways, I guarded myself well, and the night ended around 2 or 3 when Ruby and I went back to our rooms. She had a lot of fun too, I guess, because we were actually separated for most of the night.

Day one of my Europe trip: 5/18/05

5/18/05

We got to the hostel yesterday, and found out we’d been duped slightly. The “nice little area” the guy at the desk was describing turned out to be the shady part of London. Shadiest I’ve seen so far anyways. It being our first good look at the city, we were slightly disappointed. There were tiny ethnic fast food shops all up and down the street, and within moments of walking, we were whistled at by several cars. The men looked shifty, there was garbage everywhere, and a lot of the buildings were tagged on. We saw some beautiful architecture, but the windows were broken because people had thrown things at them.

The hostel pretty much fit into this neighborhood quite nicely. Since we went straight there from the train station (it was across the street), it was where I first began to have doubts. “Maybe I’m getting over my head with this whole thing…” Anyways, the whole place was filled with cigarette smoke, and the whole process of checking in was very informal, in a careless way. The lounge downstairs had a bar in it, and dark corners occupied by boys with searching eyes. At least, that was my first impression. That night, after wandering the town and getting situated, we went downstairs to find a party there. Disco lights, booze, bad American hip-hop, and a room full of people (and cigarette smoke of course). We didn’t have much of a chance to decide whether we were going to stay, because someone grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the dance floor. I don’t remember his name (insert: I actually found out later it was Russ), but he was a good-looking 34-year-old from SE Asia. I danced by him most of the night, cus he was the first friend I made. I noticed a lot of eyes on me, and this was in part because I made up a large fraction of the girl population, in part because I was dancing, and I figured later that it was also because I was one of the new faces. I’m off to bed….more on this tomorrow.